LAIR OF THE LAMB: An After Action Report of a Beautiful Funnel Dungeon by Arnold K

GOBLIN PUNCH's Arnold K put out LAIR OF THE LAMB, a 0-level funnel lovingly handcrafted to teach old-school thought and design. I was taken with it because I've always thought funnels are a great way to get new players used to character death, teach non-reliance on character abilities, and drive home survival as a good strategy. Plus, I don't see why DCC should get a lock on the funnel.


My vision of the child-god of Vandoh

The Lair of the Lamb

Basics: The PCs start off dehydrated in the dark with no resources except a shared knife and the burlap sacks they were cut out of. The Lamb hunts them as they try to escape. Their first goal is to find water.

System: Originally written for Arnold's own GLOG, but I used BX D&D (1981). The modules include Appearance, Personality, and Profession tables which were used. I also added my own "Reasons your characters share this unfortunate fate?" table.

Three players and their party of 9 unfortunates- and why there are here:
1. Hini- athletic, unhinged graverobber- who was so devoted the Temple kidnapped her
2. Kat- beautiful, scheming carpenter- whose roving eye offended the Betrothed
3. Hans- brutish, jocular baker- whose crime was impersonating a cleric
4. Regis- athletic, irate butcher- whose love is a crime
5. Tawny- brawny, cynical wet nurse- fated to make a bad mistake
6. Fritz- boney, scheming butler- loved by too many
7. Brandon- athletic, cautious poacher- whose poverty offended the tax collector
8. Don- delicate, formal architect- who drew the jade coin
9. Kay- pale, proud baker- loved by too many
"Your characters wake up in the pitch-black groggy, thirsty, and with stiff limbs...what do you do?"

1. BOWLS: PCs grope around in the dark deciding if they should rescue more of the people trapped here or if they should just take their extra burlap sacks. The Lamb interrupts them following the arguing of Fritz & Brandon. All PCs are able to pass DEX checks to move around the Lamb which feasts on a burlap sacked occupant.

2. GOATS: The barn animal smells attracted the PCs across the hallway to the goats. They gathered one goat, removed the bells, and took a wooden bowl. The Lamb picked up their scent again, but the PCs heard it coming and ran to the #5 Landing. Oh, and Tawny being a wetnurse, decides to try and nurse her two other companions instead of finding water.

DM note: Sure! Its a very interesting use of a starting profession. I asked the player to roll under 1/2 CON to supply two otherwise it is just 1-- or none in the case of a CON check failure.

5. LANDING: PC who were thrown in here due to religious reasons investigated the steel doors on the northern wall ascertaining by the bas reliefs they were in The White Temple with the abhorrent child of Vandoh (The Lamb). They grab the torch off the wall (light!), the locked chest (heavy!), the gong and hammer (something!), and progress South to #6 Tumblers.

DM note: I tried to limit how much I asked players roll and instead tried to make them support actions/questions with their backgrounds and professions. If it fit: sure you know that or can do that.

6. TUMBLERS: On their way, they kick in the closet door to take a broom (could be used as a torch and another gong). At the mural of the four-handed fish, they fiddle with the tumblers and when the level is pulled Hini, with 1 HP, gets acid in the face. This PC try to fiddle with the tumblers again, but this time with one of the gongs over their heads. No acid, but wrong sequence still, and The Lamb arrives! Tawny charges The Lamb but the all but bitten in half. Half of the PCs are able to move past with a DEX check. The remains PCs push The Lamb back with torches.

DM note: The goat is still alive.

8. THE PIT: PCs meet Akina and take her into the party after she pleads for release. Through questioning, PCs ascertain that escape is to the East and the #9 Fountain is haunted.

9. THE FOUNTAIN: PC risked a trip to the fountain by pushing the goat in the room first and having it promptly succumb to the drowning spirit that haunts the room. That's enough for the PCs and they head back to The Pit to continue East.

DM note: The goat is dead. So The Lamb should be present at the fountain, but at this point they had encountered it rather recently so I thought I would give them a slight breather.

11. COMET MURAL: PCs first attempt to go East but hit the locked door. They pocket the sheep skull and head south to the #12 Mouth Mural.

12. MOUTH MURAL: PCs proceed to pull 1d4 teeth out of the mural for each of their groups. Then start moving south again to the #13 City Mural as they hear The Lamb. But a sacrifice is made! Hans decides to go back into the room and run out with the pole holding up the unstable ceiling. A DEX check is made...and...1 short! Hans is crush by the falling blocks right as he is about to make it out.

DM note: Second sacrifice the PCs made with their characters.

13. CITY MURAL: The PCs pause to briefly morn the death of their fellow captives. Akina pipes up and explains she used to come here is listen to the sights and sounds of the city. The smell of the outside draws the characters to investigate the crack to the south. However, as Fritz pushed through the crack, he was overcome by hoards of biting red spiders and is pulled out by Brandon. Meanwhile, Don investigates west #14 Sarcogphagus and Kat pushes east to the moldy door #16 Mold.

14. SARCOPHAGUS: The PCs briefly investigate the tomb, pushing the lid off and taking the two rings ($$$). They don't bother with investigating the crawl space to the north.

DM note: I was using a slightly earlier version of the Lair of the Lamb. This is changed in the new iteration of the document. Same for rooms 11, 12, & 13 I believe.

16. MOLD: PCs don't bother the mold and want even less to do with it once it starts shifting slightly in its sleep. They instead push on to the east to #18A Ledge.

18A. LEDGE: PCs investigate the room and, with Akina's help, ascertain the smashed structure in the middle is an old elevator. They find the rope and all climb up to the ledge above ending the game.

DM note: Yeah, I might have made this a little more difficult but I was ready to bring the game to a close at 2.5 hours. I thought they did a good job and enjoyed themselves. Certainly, they are ready for part two.

Hini- dead- acid
Tawny- dead- The Lamb
Kay- dead- The Lamb
goat- dead- drowning

The map of the area made with Hex Kit and the HPS tile kit.
The adventure takes place in the White Temple

PART II: Brief Summary of the End

MOONBASE BLUES: An After-Action Report 1 of 2

<!--Let's switch fonts to add to the sci-fi mood-->


concept by D. Shugars
written by I. Yusem
art & layout by W. Denning NOW!

BEGIN REPORT: The crew of the Skiff-class ship Sparrowhawk:

  • Marine Cmd. Dukes
  • Scientist: Archeology Ysuko
  • Scientist: Roboticist Iko
<!--All randomly generated by Saker Tarsos MOTHERSHIP character generator -->

Under the unscrupulous leadership of former corp-union smasher Cmd. Dukes, the three were charting a course to a small lunar facility, AZURE BASE, known in these parts for conducting some sort of clandestine geological work. Dukes was hoping for a quick snatch-and-grab of some valuable intel and a tidy payday.

The three awake in the Security station groggy. All have new clothes on, but only Ysuko has her duffle bag [laser cutter, hand welder, crowbar, body cam, laser cutter (!), mag boots, bioscanner, vacsuit, & other goodies]

<!--I'll try to be brief for each section -->

SECURITY: Automated AI clicks on to assign them AZURE BASE tasks including making the beds in HABITATION and to bizarrely look up in 4 hours. Player divide up equipment, download both FACILITY MAPS, and head to the GREENHOUSE.

<!--MOONBASE BLUES comes with a single page spread of the two interior maps for player use as an "in-game" object-->

GREENHOUSE & MED BAY (glass-domed): Players witness one figure being mutilated in the Auto-doc while a second "surgeon" conducts this grisly procedure. 

The figure in the Auto-doc has his cavity split open. Various blue painted mechanical parts are being put inside. The "surgeon" over seeing this butchery blue wires running through his head, neck, eyes, and mouth in a grisly halo.

Horrified by the butchery, Cmd Dukes tries to halt the process. Ysuko jumps in with the laser cutter. Meanwhile Iko explored the hydroponics and stole a tranq gun from another pair of strange figures. 

Their leader has both eyes replaces by prisms with blue paint seeping from the wounds.

All three characters fend off an attack and make for HABITATION. Iko hot-wires the door control shut and Ysuko curses her luck at poor laser-cutter handeling at point-blank range. 

HABITATION:Before entering Iko hot-wires the door controls again to only permit entry after a certain amount of time. Collecting themselves, Cmd. Dukes loses it- the horrible sights of the disfigured people and Auto-doc mutilation- has caused him to fail his Panic Check and gain a phobia of Auto-docs <!--player specified-->. The other two keep it together- mostly. 

Once through the door, the players are greeted by two groups of the Devoted (as they call themselves): Two figures staring off through the open shutters at a bizarrely blue-lit horizon; two figures viciously stabbing themselves in the arms yelling about their unnatural red blood-- "BLUE! BLUE! NOT RED! BLUE!"

Player make it up to the second floor to both unclog the toilet in restroom B (as asked by the AI)and ransack the living quarters (but make the beds as ask by the AI). New gear as follows:
  • 2x foil space blanket
  • 1x mouse
  • 1x jury-rigged shotgun
  • 2x AZURE BASE security protocol punch-card
<!--MOONBASE BLUES also comes with a "I Search the Body" d100 chart-->

Before leaving, the two Devoted staring off into the turquoise horizon warn the characters in unison: "You will see the Truth. You will know the Truth. We will make you. All of you."

OBSERVATION & GEOLOGY LAB: More dismay as the characters are confronted with 5 devoted huddled around the telescope in prayer lead by a woman with a face painted blue and one eye replaced by a prism (The Prophet). Seeking to the right, the characters enter the Geology Lab and are immediately struck by the blue light of a meteor fragment. All three players fail a Sanity save sending their characters reeling with early Meteor Psychosis-- the meteor and its light filling their mind's eye. Even Cmd. Dukes' mouse ran up to it.

Ysuko recovered first and blasted the meteor with the laser cutter. Blue dust, one atomized-mouse, and screams from the Devoted filled the air: "The Heretics have destroyed the ORACAL! Bring them to the Truth!". Two figures jumped Cmd Dukes trying to both crush his skull (20 total health lost) and subdue him with a tranq. gun. Iko had stumbled back to the door out of OBSERVATION but fired off a quick tranq. gun shot into one of the cultist who dropped into a heavy sleep <!--Critical 33 vs 34 COMBAT-->. Ysuko seared off the face of the second Devoted.


<!--Notes to self for the future and to you the reader-->
  • Give the players time in the opening (and prompt them if needed) to: (1) get a sense of their surroundings; (2) divide up the one load-out kit.
  • Keep describing the Devoted (both singular & groups) as unique. Really layout for the players how wrong these people have become. If the player gag, cringe, or make a face- I've hit the mark.
  • I wish I had prepped a little more about what was in each area. Just to ensure I had enough in-game "stuff" around to help players solve problems since guns are low and they start with nothing. Player-driven solutions using in-game stuff is awesome.
  • Keep the stress coming! Drop by drop.